I'm behind the bitch....

Finally...my first dispatch from behind the bitch.

The bitch has actually been here for quite a while. I bought her when we moved in.

Getting her home from the thrift store was a pain. She weighs more than a hippopotamus, and she's wider than Nell Carter's ass.

Of course she had to fight me every step of the way. I was lucky to get her off the truck using a hand truck and brute strength.

Next, she wouldn't fit through the man room door. I took the door off it's hinges and managed to squeeze her in. But I skinned two knuckles doing it.

At that time, my man room was a filthy mess with no carpet. She had to sit on her side for a few months. Still, I could hear her calling to me at night. Sometimes a whisper, other times a demonic screech.

As I began to work in the man room, she always seemed to be in the way. No matter where I put her, she stymied my attempts at laying carpet, cleaning walls and hanging pictures.

It was then that I realized I was in love. She was made for pain, she was made for death, she was made to foster hatred. And I am now ready to harness her power.

She will be my partner. Together, we will spew bile and filth upon this earth. Our thoughts will be dark. Our intentions will always be the worst. We will never see the good. We will never honor those we don't respect.

For the past couple of years, I kinda feel like the world has put it to me. Darkness hounded my steps, confusion often made rational thought impossible. Many nights were long; many days were dismal.

But everything is different now. She and I are together. As a team, WE will put it to the world.

The bitch just whispered. She said, "Tell mother nature to bend over and spread 'em."

God I love her.