Man, my summer SUCKED!!!!!

(Disclaimer: My summer has actually not sucked on a literal level. It's actually been really fun and a little relaxing. I spent most of the hot days at this place: http://www.springvalleybeach.com/. I had lots of fun with friends, and I spent some good time with the family. But, being the flaming asshole that I am, that wasn't enough.)

There I was, soaking in the cold pool of a swanky Los Angeles hotel. It was April of 2008, and I had just spent the weekend at Disney Land. I had just seen a re-united Testament play an awesome show at a Hollywood nightclub as well.

Over the next few days, I would continue to kick L.A. squarely in the nuts. I would put my toes in the Pacific for the first time. I would eat one of the top 10 meals of my life at Roscoe's Fried Chicken and Waffles. I would see several Universal Studios sets that would burn up in a backlot fire on June 1.

Yeah, as I shivered in the pool, I was high on life. My family and I had successfully traversed the 2033.23 miles from Birmingham to Los Angeles. We'd made it through 3 airports, one rental car office and downtown Los Angeles.

"Damn," I thought, "if we can pull this trip off, I may plan a couple more trips this summer."

The Heroes Comic Convention in North Carolina immediately popped into my mind. I had been to this con once before, and it was a comic-nerd orgy of epic proportions. Sure, Bill Sienkiewicz had been kind of a dick and not signed my Daredevil and Elektra comics. But, I had found comic after comic on my list, I'd gotten enough comics signed to choke a hungry goat, I'd found some Invisibles original art pages, and I'd bought a cool Night of the Living Dead t-shirt.

I also knew that Iron Maiden was pulling out all the hits for a big North American tour. There was no way in hell they were coming to the South, but a friend had recently move to Cincinnati. So, I made mental plans to get to Ohio and catch a date of this awesome-ass tour as well.

In addition, I knew there were other bands touring this summer that I wanted to see. At the Gates had announced their big reunion tour, and it ended up that Municipal Waste and Darkest Hour were going to open for them. That is a hell of a metal tour.

The two Cavalera brothers from Sepultura had also started a new band, and there was word of a big tour during the summer months as well. In my mind, I planned a quick skips to Atlanta to see both tours.

I also have a friend who lives in Baltimore. He's invited me up for a concert here or there. Yeah, I'd wait for some anonymous show and maybe grab a cheap airline ticket for a nice, quick trip.

"Shit, this is gonna be a hell of a summer," I thought. Over the next few days, I had a glimmer in my eye and a spring in my step. Little did I know, the coming summer would be eventually be given the title 'Unfulphiled Phil'.

Let me get all literary on your asses with this here quote:

The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men, Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain, For promis'd joy!

(I don't really know what the quote has to do with my blog...hell, I dont' even think it's in English. But Yahoo search said it applied, so I threw it in.)

Well, over the next few months, life gave me a frickin nut kick. Yeah, my money well kinda dried up. Instead of a summer full of trips and rock 'n' roll goodness, I was stuck at home cutting grass and getting stung by yellow jackets.

When the weekend of the Heroes Con arrived, I was at home staring at the guest list on their website and crying. I guess I could have made it to North Carolina on the cheap and shared a room with my friend, but I would have had zero money to spend on comics and food. Stuffing down peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and staring at comics I want to buy didn't sound like that much fun to me.

Next, it ended up that the Maiden show in Cleveland was two days before my big summer deadline at work. I had zero money, and I had a boss who would be a little tiffed if I wasn't there to upload the 696 finalized PDFs.

And, as for At the Gates and the Cavalera Conspiracy, they both skipped out on Atlanta. Now, don't get me wrong here, I'm not totally against Atlanta. I've seen some killer tours there, and I've indulged in their world-class gentleman's clubs on occasion.

But, this summer, the city really let me down. It's bad enough that everyone there thinks their shit don't stink. But, I've got to hear their attitude about how great their town is, and yet they can't book the 2nd and 3rd biggest tours of the summer I want to see?

Needless to say, as the summer months wore on, I realized my hope for a quick jaunt to Baltimore wasn't in the cards either.

"So," I think, "I'm unhappy. What can I do to alleviate this situation?"

Simple - MAKE MORE PLANS BITCHES!!! I've been working all summer, and now it looks like I got a little change in my pockets going jing-a-ling-a-ling. So, here's my potential list for the next few months.

1) Dragon Con - Next weekend in Atlanta. I'm hoping I can get in on the cheap and maybe spend $100 bucks and get some stuff signed. If Mike Baron has the nuts to show up, he's going to be signing Punisher and Nexus comics until his hand falls off.

2) Carcass reunion tour - I can't decide if I'm really excited about this or not. When I imagine the perfect Carcass set, I'm thinking 2 straight hours of songs off their classic 'Reek of Putrefication' and 'Symphonies of Sickness' albums. Instead, they're playing almost all of 'Heartwork' with a couple of old songs thrown in. Not good.

3) Giggity GWAR!!!! - A big fall tour from the death-obsessed aliens = good times! Two good opening bands (Kingdom of Sorrow and Toxic Holocaust) and a Friday night date in Atlanta. Sure, it would be the 5th time I've seen them, but Sleazy P. Martini is coming out of retirement for this tour. How can I miss that?

4) UAB basketball - They're going to be good as shit. I'm thinking of getting season ticket with a quick trip to Cincinnati to see them play Cincinnati in December. Never been to a road game before.

5) Finish my manroom - Yeah, it's been hot as hell in my man room all summer. But, I'm going to get a couch and switch a TV out there for FOOTBALL!

6) AC/DC - Oh yeah, this little band from Australia is heading back to the U.S. for a tour. Maybe you've heard of them? The tour is supposed to start in October, and I see the Lawless family hitting at least one date. (It would be my son's third concert. He saw Queens of the Stone Age at Magic Platter at six months, and we took him to see Cheap Trick last summer.)

Anyway, I love my family and we really had a good summer. But, if I can't whine on the Internet, what's the point in living?